The goal of all relationships and not just marriages should be SELF LOVE. In my experience coaching others and observing life I’ve come to the conclusion that the people who have the most fulfilling relationships love and accept themselves so very deeply that they simply don’t need other people to meet their needs.
Think about it–when you take full responsibility for your own emotions and can depend on yourself for generating your own feelings, you become able to drop all expectations of other people. When you depend on other people (let’s say your husband) to feel wanted, needed, appreciated, loved, etc. you are at the mercy of their behavior for something that they may or may not be capable of providing to you.
It’s so much better to work on deciding to think thoughts that provide you with the feelings you desire. You can take notice and think about all the ways you appreciate YOU. You can work on thinking thoughts about how valuable you are, how lovable you are, and how you have your own back.
Of course, this is the tricky part. Typically we treat those around us far better than we treat ourselves. Start by taking notice of your self talk–are you constantly beating yourself up or being critical of yourself? Do you keep commitments you make to yourself? To you put yourself last before others?
This is the work to do. Work on yourself. Have compassion for yourself. When you are there fully for yourself, you will be able to simply enjoy those around you without needing anything at all from them other than their presence. This is so freeing for you AND FOR THEM!
Give it a try and see what happens. I have a hunch that your relationships will improve is so many ways.