If you show up in your relationships as the person you think your friends and family want you to be, you may be perpetuating fake relationships. Even if you’re not a bona fide “people-pleaser” it is important to realize that showing up as who you think people want you to be is not good for you and not even good for the people you care about.
Don’t confuse behaving the way you think others want you to behave as being “kind.” While trying to anticipate and do what others want may seem to eliminate some outer conflict, it can often increase our inner conflict. Think about how you showed up at a recent event you agreed to out of your desire to make someone else happy–you probably didn’t show up without some thoughts that caused you to feel bored, joyless, conflicted or even resentful. When you feel this way, how do you act toward your loved ones–as loving as you could be? Probably not, which is why this isn’t very “kind” behavior toward others.
A good litmus test in trying to figure out if you’re acting as your true self is to ask the question: am I acting/doing/agreeing because I think it will make the other person happy/proud/or like me more? What if this person would feel the opposite way you are hoping they will feel–would you still want to behave this way or do the task at hand? In reality, trying to control how other people feel about you and what they think about you if not impossible, is a totally exhausting endeavor.
Showing up as the real you will help you develop true, authentic relationships. Isn’t that what we all want–to be accepted for who we truly are? By paying attention to what YOU truly want and pausing to ask yourself if you are acting in response to your true wants and desires as opposed to what you think others want or expect from you, will help you create relationships that are based on the true you and not the fake version of yourself you are trying to project. Really, this is so much better for EVERYONE!